Thursday, December 8, 2016

Dye Me Blue

Dye me blue

Maybe I'll feel the tears
roll down my cheek.....  
"Too wet and salty for my taste"
I say with disdain
Only because I've felt
how they change my soul
with their steady rain
a release of everything stored inside my heart

Don't get drenched
beneath them
Here's a joke
I like to use it as an umbrella...
Keeps me dry
when I start to cry

Dye me blue

Maybe I'll feel the tears
rolling down your cheek
"Take a cracker and some cheese"
I sound insane
Only because I've felt
how it opens a hole
that's seething with pain
maybe something small and good would fill it in a bit


Don't get drowned
beneath it all
Here's a joke
I like to use it as a boat
keeps me afloat
when I've lost all hope

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."

Job 8:21 ESV
"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting."





Friday, December 2, 2016

Raindrop Poetry

Pour out your soul to me
One drop at a time
Walls dissipate
as the liquid spills over
the ridges and bricks....

A raindrop plops
plunks 
One by one
a little bit more liquid
dissipating the walls
one drop,
a laugh
one drop,
a tear
The wall finally falls.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Unstable Ground

I could rip out my hair
every time I move
to take a step
the ground shifts
I found myself hanging over an abyss
such a narrow miss
I should see the holes, the ruin
that's breaking beneath my feet
unstable ground
I can't even see

Lord guide me!
I'm blind....blind to the day
blind to the bitter
blind to the hope

Your joy is like the cold wind on my face
Thank you for today. 

Monday, October 24, 2016

I don't have anything to say

I don't have anything to say
I wish I did
I don't.
I wish I could
I won't.

Nothing.
Nothing to do, nothing to say
my bag is empty,

It's not that I forgot to pack
I'm not going
on this journey with you

That's why its empty

I wonder what to do now?

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Smother it All in Butter

Something old, something new
something wrong, something true

A biting taste, a sarcastic twist
a nice array of brash bits
smothered all in....Quick!
fix!
the line before....

Think up something new
Of course
We can't always know the note that follows
an octave up
that sounded hollow.....

I'd like to smother it all in butter
and eat it like a piece of fresh baked bread
and then it'll be splen-did

So it was


Friday, October 7, 2016

When the Pain Stays

It moved in
lock stock and barrel
(whatever that means)
every suitcase and box
from it's last residence
it's silverware and knives
it's bed and it's cabinets
Pain moved in
it had come to stay
I didn't know how to escape, or lock it away
I went upstairs
and talked to God
I asked him how
He could allow this at all?
Pain grabbed my arm
kicked my shins
cut my side

I tried to hide
but it found me every day
I thought it would be there for good
so I took matters in my hands
pulled out plush comforters
and was swallowed in a pile
of chocolate, ice cream, and fluffy delights
I climbed a mountain,
stayed up all night
binged watched a show
wrapped myself up tight
and stared outside
wondering why and how it'd come
to stick by my side so close and fierce
wrenching my heart when I tried to smile
twisting my arm when I wanted to laugh
I tried to leave it out in the back
dump it all in the garbage can
so once more
when nothing else would do
I trekked up the stairs
to talk with God


Friday, July 22, 2016

Discipline

Discipline. Some people wear it like they wear a pair of uncomfortable boots. They suck it up and walk it out. They see it through no matter what.  There is no exception. There is no limit. It is what it is and there’s no use imagining “what ifs.”
It’s a terrifying kind of admirable. A sickly kind of glory. Blood streaming down your face as you finish the race with a gash in your forehead. Sweat covering your brow as you dance until you are sick then collapse after the final bow.
Grit. Determination. Perseverance.
Hope.
A stubborn relentless hope that dashes the shore again and again and again with its force.
It breaks upon the rocks day in day out sometimes barely audible then deafening as it thunders towards land driven by a storm.
A desperation for something better so keen that it repeats itself day after day after day. Hour after hour. The same path, the same mistakes, the same hope, the same plans, barely changing in its course. Tumbling, burning, ripping.
It recedes and returns. Always coming and leaving and coming and leaving.
And you can’t even see it, the dent it makes.
The way it’s painfully slowly minusculey weathering the rocks that line the shore.
Until it is smooth and there you stand on the edge of what used to be cliff covered in craggy rocks and razors that cut the bare foot.
Smooth, it’s smooth and washed back, receded into the land. The cliff broken down, tumbled into a hill.

All that discipline, determination, grit. It sanded back the resistance.

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

A Windy Wait

Rustling
       whipping
The wind pushes aside each leave
                     one by one
turning them over to the sun
                        thrusting aside branches
moving across the grass
    throwing aside my hair
A gusty playful blast

Up around my ankles
down to the tips of my fingers
An unseen river
rushing just to my left

Everything is pulsing
    moving
 pushing
     breathing
 thinking
    beating
                  lifting!
needing
to move
 to be
  more and more 
alive
with this day
ALIVE
I say
No stillness within
No stillness without

But I need
I long, I ache to hear God speak to me
so I still my soul to wait
for the still small voice

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Hugging Pain

I accept the pain
I give it a hug.
Let it burn away the bitter and gunk
that's piled on me
I can't scrape it off
or scrub, wash or clean
but maybe the fire
will purify me
So I pull the pain closer
as God hold's my hand
I know, I know
He's got a plan

Thursday, May 26, 2016

In the Night


A star guides me
The darkness pulls it in
but the more the darkness seeps
and blackens the earth
the brighter the star shines


Tuesday, May 17, 2016

The Lie

Take a step back.
Listen to yourself
Your words
crack, they snap
and break beneath the truth
watch them come crashing to the ground

Monday, May 16, 2016

Dare to Know

Dare to know that there are warm days
when you're freezing in the rain

Dare to know that there's an end 
when you're struggling to run a race

Dare to know that there is kindness
untainted by selfish gain

Dare to know that there's truth
hiding in the mound of lies

Dare to know there is  beauty
in the ugly terror of the storm

Dare to know there is silence
in the numbing roar of war

Dare to know that when people lash out
it's cause they can't hold in their pain

Dare to know that you're alarm clock
is going to stop beeping someday


And if you can't quite dare to hope.
That anything good can be.
Maybe just dare to hope, that maybe there's some truth to be seen
In the goodness and beauty and light.
Maybe it's not a fantasy.
No.
The day is as real as the night. 

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Be My Own Joy

Be my own sorrow
Don't be just a moment
of blissful happiness
but be there in the darkness
stay here in the gloom
and wait for the daylight
with me
please I'm alone


Be my own Joy
don't be just regret
of memories of things, I said but never did
stay in the present, don't float to the past
but pull in the future
with me
please?
I want to see it with you


Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Running a Race

Running.
It involves moving your body.

Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV) "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

Lets suppose there is a marathon happening where you live. If you saw someone walking around shopping and chilling on the streets would you point them out and say "Wow! They're running in the marathon!"
No. Unless maybe you have a sarcastic sense of humour.

What if you saw someone trailing behind a bunch of runners, and this runner was running really slow and breathing heavily. Even despite their slow pace would you be able to tell that they were in the race?
I would be able to tell that they were probably involved in some sort of running event, probably the marathon. The shopper? I would just assume they were shopping.

Likewise our lives with Christ are like a race. And we need to be running them with purpose, even if we go really slow, even if we are lagging behind. We just need to be putting one foot in front of the other. How else will anybody know we're in the race?
If we aren't striving to grow and draw closer to God every single day, how will people know that Jesus is who we are following. That God is the one we are running toward and living our lives for?

Living like Christ.
It involves moving spiritually.
We have to keep growing every single day. And the most important changes are the tiny little incremental changes that we barely notice, but are consistent.
Changes like praying every morning and thanking God for the day. It might seem like too small a habit to start. I mean if your going to start a thriving prayer life, you tell yourself, it has to be with big grandiose prayers that are hours long and require you to spend an hour a day in silent meditation. I mean if your going to do something you should do it right. Am I right?

No, just start small. It might not seem like a lot, and maybe you feel guilty for not doing more. But just give a little time every day consistently. Those little moments are more important than we dare realize.

God tells us we are running in a race, that the life we live for God is a race. And the goal and prize is Him.

1 Corinthians 9:26 (ESV)

"So I do not run aimlessly; I do not box as one beating the air."















Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Finals Week

Dry hands, sore neck, sour taste.
I crack and creak, and snap
but don't break
More words less thoughts
Nothing comes to mind, my memory has been swept clean
everything moved- to make room
Where did I put that word?
It was in the corner
but now all I see are equations, some dusty definitions
Half unpacked Oh dear

the cord is tangled up in my coat
lights flicker but stay a constant stale presence
is this what its like...to be old?
i drag my hand towards the water bottle
stale liquid, stale thoughts


Saturday, February 6, 2016

Give to Lose

Give to lose
          All you have
And more besides

Your bitter darkness
           stark injustice
unfiltered mirthless laughter
         oozing infections from lies
harrowing sorrow
        and mind numbing doubt
every thing you regret, that you want to shout

Lose the darkness
Gain the light

Give to lose your white-knuckled grip
Give to see....what the world should be.

Thursday, January 21, 2016

Rivers and Lights

Revelations 21: 5-6
And he who was seated on the throne said, “Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the spring of the water of life without payment.

Apathy is an enemy to the soul

It saps the spirit and life out of one's existent until all there is left is a hollow shell.
It prevents any action or inspiration from hope because it is too afraid of being disappointed.
It doesn't try because it doesn't believe that there is a chance.
Fear of failure.
If there is a light at the end of the tunnel, even how faint of a glimmer, it can never be reached unless it is sought out.
The only way you can fail, is to stop trying.
My Grandma held onto hope, in fact she held it up high like a torch.
She had hope that God had better days in store.
And he did. And does.
She hoped through the gloom and heartache. And let God's light shine in her life.

"The secret to happiness is to not expect too much"

Is this true?

Well certainly expecting perfection is a recipe for disappointment. And expecting the world to run in such a way that you get everything you want and desire is also unrealistic.
People are both predictable and unpredictable.
You cannot depend on people to surprise you how you want or when you want.

Expecting a relationship to be perfect with no mess, or trials, or malfunctions is unrealistic and unhealthy even.

However it is also harmful to have too low of expectations. Because without a standard of some sort you are opening up yourself to being trod on, trampled, kicked aside and left at the side of the road.

Expectations are a filter. Let in the good, remove the bad.


Another way to think of it is swimming in a river. Its unrealistic and will wear you out if you swim directly against the current.
But, if you simply let yourself be carried along to wherever the current takes you, you'll end up being dashed against the rocks.
Instead you have to adopt compromise.
Swimming sideways, partly against the current, and partly with. Swimming with a purpose towards the shore, towards you goals, hopes and dreams, but using the current to aid you instead of going directly against it.
And this is the difference between being either unrealistically hopeful or dare I say, unrealistically UN-hopeful.

Reasons to hope exist all around us, but too often we are disappointed because we look for hope in the wrong places.

God put hope in our hearts for a reason. Not so that we could be disappointed by the brokenness of this world. But so that we can know that the world is in fact broken. That this is not how it is supposed to be.

And most importantly, that God has better things in store for us than what we know see.
The world is broken. But that doesn't mean it can't be fixed. That's why God sent a Savior. That's why he sent Jesus.
That's why the sun still shines. That's why he put this fire in my heart to write.
Because I see that all is not as it can be. That God's got better things in store.
And there will be a day when it is restored.
So keep that light flaring in your window.

Because in God, we shall never hope in vain.


Sunday, January 10, 2016

Love takes strength, stamina and sacrifice.

We are never complete, until we let God remake us.

We can never know who we are.

Until we know him who made us.

So,
Grit your teeth and un-clench your fist
till your palm is open and ready
to be placed inside of HIS.