A Christmas Song

Something's cold in the winter
the day
the end
the middle
the start

Something's cold stirring my bones
A biting winds coming in.
A wildness has come
will it ever leave
not until the hunger's been satisfied

I'm holding the warmth in winter
a song
a smile
a word
an end

I'm holding in the warmth this winter
a fire
a light
a friend

The snow is swirling in the winter
blindness as thick as ice

I can't see into the future
I can't see into this night

A gray haze, half heard words
A shouted warning
then something hurts.

Somethings cold about the winter
the day
the end
the middle
the start

There's No Door

Like pulling water out of a deep well

You pulled words up from your mire of thoughts - the depths of your soul. 

There was a sort of unreachable quality in your speech

...as if you could not fully touch or hold your thoughts

Perhaps you could but chose not to.

And there was something you were wrestling with too. 

And a clarity too. A bright unvarnished clarity that people only know if they've known deep pain.

Yet also blindness. Obviously others could see what you saw. But they didn't. And you didn't see that they wouldn't.

Or you wanted there to be something and there wasn't.

So you wrestled, but with what I couldn't see. The battle was hidden from view.

I stared and wonder..what in the world you must be thinking. For you never said your thoughts aloud. Then I thought perhaps it was that you had nothing to say. 

And you didn't have anything to say. Not about the weather. Or food that day. Or what you planned to do. Only the unknown and unexplored.

Yet I've never wanted to go there much. Space is to big for fiddling with. 

And over and over you turn the cards. Flipping the thoughts over in your mind. The room still sits expectantly, to hear unspoken words that are never said.

I stare and see no ice. But then there's no door either. No door, no ice, no words, no path. A code? A puzzle. Yet codes must be cracked.

Of course to solve a code you need a key. I think perhaps then that's what you'd given me. Although it looked just like a word. A phrase, unintentional at first.

But that's often how puzzles are solved. Something that seemed unimportant, is the most important of all.

Let's Just Sing

Intro
F            G7            C   C7?
Whoo oh Whoa oh oh

Verse
F              G7           C
You can't stop the light
F        G7           C
from getting through
F               G7        C
You can't stop the sun from rising
F       G7   C
You can't stop the truth

Dm                         Am                   Bb                        F
Clouds may cover up the sky. But still the stars will shine.
Dm                         Am                   Bb                        F
Evil thoughts may cloak our heart. But still God's love is true.



Chorus
C                                   C7
There's a time for everything
F                                    B7
There's a time to weep and sing
C                  Am            Dm 
But for now sing along  sing along
G7                 (F)   C
sing along with me

Chorus 2:
F                                    B7                    C
Delight in his presence. He delights in yours friend.
C                  Am           
Joy is seeing God's face.
  Dm                        G
So for now sit and soak in his love.

C                                   C7
Hope doesn't take away the paint
F                        B7
It makes it beautiful
C                  Am            Dm    G7                 (F)   C
Take delight in his presence. Worship him now. His goodness is real.

Bridge:
C                                       Bb
I sing cause the darkness threatens to overwhelm
F                                            G7              
Everything good, true, and whole and noble thought

C                                 Bb
I sing because if we forget what is our purpose is
F                                      G7
We'll never find the end to this maze of hopelessness

Questions Hanging

It hung there in the air.

Suspended like a dust mote.

I wondered, would it fall? 

Or remain hanging above us all.

It's still there above me. 

Waiting to be resolved.

Until time passes and it fades, but never quite goes away.

My life is filled with unanswered questions. 

Hanging just above my head.

Others find a way to rub them

Until they're erased off the grid

Yet somehow I've never wanted to do the same 

Because what if someday I find...The answer to a question I had. But no longer have the question in mind?

So there they gather, an eclectic clutter.

Some deep, some dark, some light, some old

There they hang. Above us all. Everytime I say hello.

I'll wonder, and the question will glow. Until someday it's light is too dim, to even register in sight.

A Good Day

A Good Day.
Is a day.
That follows the rain.
By rain I mean pain. Sorrow. Suffering. Hurt. Disappointment.
You know.

A Good Day.
Is a day.
Unlike any other day.
Because it's what follows the storm.
The sun shines brighter, of course.


A Good Day.
Is a day.
When all you hold in your hand, falls through like sand
(what a rhyme....hand and sand)

A Good Day.
Is a day.
Like today.

Because?
Well, because it holds in it something of inexpressible value.
Of uncalculated worth.

God chose to include it in the story.
The story of the world.
So of course.
it matters, it's needed.

So Here's Pain

So Here's Pain.

It came this morning. Knocking on my door.
Of course I shut the door.

Little knowing I needed what it held.

So I turned and walked into the kitchen and waved Comfort in through the back.
She told me it was alright. To sit back and relax.

We sat and chatted...comfortably of course.
She told me I was doing fine. Her words were soft and full and sweet.

Then Pain came banging on the window. Her eyebrows tightly drawn.
Said I had a sword, sticking from my side.

Turning then to Comfort, I asked here if she'd seen.

What I had somehow missed, yet was so plain to see.

Don't worry Comfort said. Look here at this picture instead. To pull it out will hurt.
To cure it...will hurt the worst.

But somehow one can't quite relax, with a sword sticking in their side. It slowed me down (imagine that)  and I couldn't put it out of mind.

So goodbye I said to Comfort. And let pain in through the door. As she helped me pull out, that ridiculously over-sized sword.

I shouldn't have a sword in my side. How did it get there you ask?

Well, it hardly mattered right then. I just had to get it out fast.

So I got it out. And Pain stayed the night. We had some good discussions about what matters and what didn't. Turns out the sword came from one of Comforts own pillows.

Now this story hardly makes sense. But Pain doesn't make much sense either.
Sorrow and Suffering too. Another language they speak those two.
But today I just think it's good to remember. That Pain has a purpose, a mission to do. Reminding me of swords in my side.

Now that's something Comfort can't do.

Be brittle?

Be brittle?

No you'll break.

Be bitter?

again it's the same.

Your mind, your heart, your words, your song

needs suppleness behind it all

grace to let it bend

and snap back

into place. 

The Problem of Pain & The Quest for Truth

I realized something today. And for me it was quite profound.

Jesus, when he was on earth, could have avoided sadness, pain, sorrow, and the sickness of this world. He could have avoided feeling all of those oppressive emotions.

He didn't avoid them. John 11:30 "Jesus wept."

Whenever I feel anything remotely negative I immediately try to cheer myself up. Or make those negative feelings go away. It makes sense in a way. If something is hurting you try to make the pain stop.

Emotions are more complex. They are oppressive but they are these little red flags. Telling us something is not right. When we cease to feel we become desensitized. We should feel oppressed by the darkness of the world. It's not right. It shouldn't feel right.

So how did Jesus deal with the darkness? He went to God. He turned on a light. He prayed. And prayed some more. He sought God with all his heart and worshipped him. He still felt the pain though.

I'm going to continue exploring this problem. The problem of pain. Why does God allow us to experience such intense suffering, both emotional and physical? I know Jesus warned us we would. Yet I still struggle with it.

It might be worth noting at this point that awhile ago I prayed that God would increase my faith and trust in him. In fact I have been praying for that a lot recently. I do believe, that God is answering my prayer. I've been having more doubts, but trust and faith aren't passive. You can't grow them through complacency or comforts. They are only grown in toil, doubts, and struggles. God loves me. That is the one thing I know with absolute certainty. I choose to stake everything I have on that. That is my axiom, the starting point I shall use as I embark on this journey.

The journey for truth. I don't want to settle for platitudes. I don't want to cover up my doubts or shove them in the corner. I am going to wrestle with them. It is time to discover what is real, and what is not.