Honesty

It's like a opening a window and letting in a fresh breeze
It clears the stink and musty smell of a room

It helps you gain perspective
On how to go on from here

"I'd like a little honesty." I say.

But that's a lie.

What I really mean: "I'd like complete and utter overwhelming honesty, all the honesty in the world if you please."

But again that's a lie.

Cause if I wanted honesty.
I'd be honest with myself. The reason I keep listening. Is not because I'm kind.
Somewhere deep inside, I want to believe the lies. Indulge in the instantaneous gratification they afford.

Even if later it makes me hurt.

Because here I say I'd like a fresh breeze in my face.

When all I ever had to do, was open the window.


Song Version:

Chorus 1: 
It's like opening a window
and letting in a fresh breeze
It clears the stale, musty smell of a room

It helps you gain perspective
On how to go on from here

I'd like a little. I'd like a little honesty I say.

Chorus 2:
It's like walking on a cold day
after a warm fire

It gets your blood pumping in your veins.

It helps you remember. What it is you used to be.

I'd  like a little. I'd like a little honesty I say.

Chorus 3:
It's like pulling off a bandaid.
Or feeling something sting.

The pain helps remind you of what still needs to heal.

It helps you not ignore things. Like wounds that need to be tended to.

I'd like a little. I'd like a little honesty I say.


Verse 1:
But that's a lie.

What I really mean.
I'd like complete and overwhelmingy honesty.
all the honesty in the world.
for everyone but me.

Verse 2:
But again that's a lie.
Cause if I wanted honesty.
I'd be honest with myself.
The reason I keep listening. Is not because I'm kind.
Somewhere deep inside, I want to believe the lies.

Bridge:
Because here I say I'd like a fresh breeze in my face.

When all I ever had to do, was open the window.

Sick on Half Truths

Hebrews 12:11-13 “All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. 12Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, 13and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.”

There are different ways to process life: throwing pity parties, (a personal favorite of mine), ignoring the problem…or find the humour in it. (And yes I just spelled that with a “u” it’s the British way of spelling it mind you).

Vulgarity. I hear that word and I think of vultures and a putrid smelling, moldy container of food left in the fridge too long.

Eww like the food I kept in my fridge. I was hoping to eat it eventually but it went bad. It stunk up my whole dorm room when I opened the fridge to throw it out. I had to throw open the windows and door to get rid of the smell. It’s very hard to get rid of smells they cling.

It is 9:41 and I am in/on the Sky Bridge in Western Washington University’s library. The people around me are sucking up every bit of sanity they can gather and trying to absorb every last lick of material into their already information saturated brains. But if we were to be honest, many of my fellow student’s brains are saturated with more than just information from classes. Every day we are squeezed of hope and wrung out of any aspiration or inclination to lift up our eyes. Then we are soaked in despair, and small ingratiating habits and ideas. They stick us with a thousand poisonous words and ideas. And everyone is drowning and pulling and grasping anyone around them. Pulling them down whilst trying to pull themselves up. And if nothing else at least pulling others down with them so that they won’t be alone in their pits. 

I sound very bitter don’t I? I make it sound extremely depressing. Like we are all in prison or being held and tortured against our will. Instead we are fed thousands of little lies, harmless, naïve, gray, and unstable half-truths and deceptions wrapped in partial truth. And we are all sick.

Well I was.

It’s really hard. I get hungry and they are continually offering these little lies wrapped in partial truths.

But today was beautiful. And I’m not stuck. God pulled me out of the pit.

It feels so good to breath clean air. To know truth, to receive a taste of something pure and good.
I’m pretty wretched. The worst of sinners. And I messed up again today. I’m stuck in a cycle of sin. And keep letting myself getting sucked back in.

But every time God pulls me out and sets me on my feet again. And doesn’t just set me on my feet, but He’s been training me too. He’s been strengthening my feeble arms and weak knees. Showing me how to defend against these attacks. Showing me how to focus on loving and acting out my faith in obedience. Teaching me not to live in fear.  I’m so afraid of failing again. Of walking back into this disgusting pit again. But God is so patient. He has rescued me every single time. 

Why should I be afraid? Why should I be hopeless? God is my strength and my song. 

Good Food is a Smile on My Face

Good food
Makes people smile
gives them energy

takes away hunger

I don't know a better way to worship
than baking someone cookies

using what we've been given

to make something delicious
and share with someone else

to create

and make

and dream

and live

to grow

and lift our faces to the sun

He compared us to trees

So let's send down our roots.

The storm will come
So let's soak in the sun

Each day is complete in itself.
Today is no less nor more than it should be.

Longing

Have I always lived with this longing?
Like something constantly tugging, and pulling me away from contentment.
A restlessness I wish I could still.

Like the ocean pulling in and out
It constantly beats on the shore.

But maybe this life is not meant to fill
And yet in you God.
I find a peace.
A rhythm to the movement
A peace within the waves

Dye Me Blue

Dye me blue

Maybe I'll feel the tears
roll down my cheek.....  
"Too wet and salty for my taste"
I say with disdain
Only because I've felt
how they change my soul
with their steady rain
a release of everything stored inside my heart

Don't get drenched
beneath them
Here's a joke
I like to use it as an umbrella...
Keeps me dry
when I start to cry

Dye me blue

Maybe I'll feel the tears
rolling down your cheek
"Take a cracker and some cheese"
I sound insane
Only because I've felt
how it opens a hole
that's seething with pain
maybe something small and good would fill it in a bit


Don't get drowned
beneath it all
Here's a joke
I like to use it as a boat
keeps me afloat
when I've lost all hope

Proverbs 14:13 ESV

"Even in laughter the heart may ache, and the end of joy may be grief."

Job 8:21 ESV

"He will yet fill your mouth with laughter, and your lips with shouting."

Raindrop Poetry

Pour out your soul to me
One drop at a time
Walls dissipate
as the liquid spills over
the ridges and bricks....

A raindrop plops
plunks 
One by one
a little bit more liquid
dissipating the walls
one drop,
a laugh
one drop,
a tear
The wall finally falls.

Unstable Ground

I could rip out my hair

every time I move

to take a step

the ground shifts

I found myself hanging over an abyss

such a narrow miss

I should see the holes, the ruin

that's breaking beneath my feet

unstable ground

I can't even see

Lord guide me!
I'm blind....blind to the day
blind to the bitter
blind to the hope

Your joy is like the cold wind on my face

Thank you for today.